The Vacation

Day 1
We wake up the kids, lie and tell them I missed my ride to the airport and Mom has to take me. When we get to the airport I tell them I want them to go to Detroit with me. I lie to Thing 1 and tell him Orlando is the name of the airport and that Detroit IMPORTS palm trees. We announce true vacation as we check into the Caribbean Resort Hotel inside Disney. Go to Magic Kingdom, walk, eat, ride rides, carry kids, sleep.

Day 2
We go to breakfast with my new friends Winnie, Tigger, Eore and Piglett. Rent stroller, push kids, ride rides, push kids, eat lunch, go to EPCOT. Get new stroller, walk, ride rides, visit Crush (very cool) walk, ride mission space (and survive), walk, ride more rides, visit Figment 3 times, eat seafood next to a tank filled with fish and scuba divers, walk, ride rides, carry kids, watch fireworks, carry kids, sleep.

Day 3
We wake up late, eat brunch and go to Animal Kingdom. I rent a stroller, push kids, ride rides save Aladar, take safari, push kids, see tree of life and Discover Tarzan Rocks.

Tarzan Rocks is to be avoided at all costs. It is a horrible waste of time. It has an over 50, never made it big, rock band that looks like they hate their job along with dancers that dance like Jack from Will and Grace.

We went back to Magic Kingdom, walked, rented a stroller, pushed kids, discovered Mickey's Phillharmagic, which was cool. (Thing 2 had to go back every chance she got.) We also discovered the benefits of the "It's a Small World" ride. The ride is good for a 15 minute power nap. We then walked, rode rides, ate, rode rides, watched a parade, carried kids, watched fireworks, carried kids, went to sleep.

Day 4
We wake early and eat breakfast with our new friends Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Marry Poppins and Belle in Cinderella's castle. You know, the castle Tinkerbell flies around in the commercials. We then rode rides, walked, rode rides and discovered Thing 2 loves roller coasters. (The best comment of the day came from her telling a teenager that he was a baby for not wanting to ride up front. She then got in the front car and giggled the whole ride.)

This is where things become a blur. I remember a lot of rides, characters and parades. After that I carried the kids the 15 miles back to the bus (okay it was just half a mile but it felt like 15) rode the bus back to the hotel and slept

Day 5
We woke up late and went to MGM studios. Thing 1 convinced us to check out star wars weekend. While we were there we discovered "Padawan training for the Younglings."

(We also discover Linda Amedea Skywalker who insisted on being selected for training. She feels she is a celebrity because she changed her name. After she made a scene and left, all the Jedi knights made fun of her. After that security could be seen following her around the park.) Thing 2 was picked for training and Thing 1 wasn't. Thing 1 was crushed because he loves the Star Wars movies. ( I am afraid he may change his name in the future.) Thing 2's training gets rained out and Thing 1 pouts about not getting picked. Thing 1 and I go to 4 more training sessions and he still doesn't get picked. When training is over we walk, go to EPCOT, eat next to a Mayan pyramid in Mexico, ride rides, carry kids, sleep.

Day 6
We go to MGM Studios to get Thing 1 into Padawan training. I expect to waste the day trying to get him picked. Thing 1 is picked in the second session after the first session was rained out. Right after Thing 1 finishes his training he "faces his fear" in a light saber duel with Darth Vader. It was very entertaining since Thing 1 tried to look menacing but couldn't stop smiling. We then go to the rest of the park, ride rides, walk, BUY SOUVENIRS* walk, eat, and watch the fireworks. After the fireworks I carry the kids the mile to the bus. (It is actually a mile from the bus stop to the entrance of the park) Make a list of favorite rides and sleep.

*The souvenirs will be back in the story later so pay attention.

Day 7
This day was a blur. We did all the rides on the list of favorites. We had dinner at Cafe Marekesh, which included a belly dancing show. I missed the show because Thing 1 had to visit the facilities and my wife is afraid of child predators.

By the end of the day I felt like I had walked the trail of tears. Oh, and did I mention I had to carry the kids?

Day 8
This day is only half a day then back to Chicago. I prechecked the bags and obtained our boarding passes through the hotel in Disney. Funny thing, there is no gate number on them.

We went to Magic Kingdom ate and rode 2 rides. The park is extremely crowded because school is out in Florida and the weather cleared up. The kids look like they cant stay on their feet anymore so we head for the airport before I have to carry them.

We arrive at the airport and return the rental car. The rental car company tries to overcharge me. I got the bill straightened out and we were off to security with our carry on bags. (My wife and kids think "carry on bags" means all the bags that Dad can carry on his back.) When we get inside the airport I start looking at the departure boards for the gate we are leaving from. I cannot find the flight on the departure boards. Finally right at the beginning of the security line there is a giant board with our flight on it.

We are leaving out of gate 46. This information is important because you cannot get through security without it. Every 10 gates has a different metal detector. This keeps the lines down, but without a definitive gate number, you cant get through security. The wife went through the metal detector first, then Thing 2, then Thing 1, and finally me. While I was trying to get all the carry on bags, the wife and kids depart for the gate. When I got to security, I was carrying 4 bags, miraculously, after security I had 3. I thought my wife took pity on me and picked up the backpack with the souvenirs in it. I WAS WRONG!!!! Some A-hole took the bag off the belt and walk off with it during the confusion.

We discovered the missing bag the next day when the kids wanted the souvenirs. I called TSA and they had the bag. Apparently the A-hole took A LOT of bags because the TSA people stopped him for going through security 10 times. They then discovered the bags he picked up weren't his. When they went to his car they discovered "many other" stolen bags along with ours.

UPS should be delivering the souvenirs today. God am I glad vacation is over. Now I can get some rest.