10 steps to being a better husband

This is my version of THIS article:

No. 1 - Kill never and always:
Okay, at least 50% of that is right. (When in doubt, go for always.)

No. 2 - Work the reunions:
This is why I travel so much. It is almost as good as making up.

No. 3 - Laugh at her:
I do, all the time. Why do you think I end up in the dog house all the time?

No. 4 Make the lion's roar:
I don't know about making the lions roar, but I try to get her to make some noise every once in a while.

No. 5 - Be a little lamblike, too:
I like a good lamb chop, just like the next guy.

No. 6 - She needs closeness to feel sexual; you need sex to feel close:
Hence, no sex. Sorry guys, there is no getting around this.

No. 7 - Be touchy:
I must be doing this wrong because this gets me in trouble also.

No. 8 - See the coffee cup
Who am I kidding? I am the coffee cup. I drink more coffee than god!

No. 9 - She ain't broke, so don't fix her:
Words to live by. Much like you, no matter how much you try to change her, she will stay the same.

No. 10 - Play to win:
I do, but after 30 seconds the game is over and she is wondering when its going to start.

Remember, if you screw ALL these things up and she still stays with you, any good thing you do will make her happy!